Fallen
by C.L. Curtis
Summary: After twenty years of living a life of crime, Katherine Barlow has returned to Green Lake to spend her final days. With nothing other than memories to occupy her time and thoughts, she musses on the events of her life. Based on the song by Sarah McLachlan


**Fallen**

**Author: ****Chrystina Lynne Curtis**

**Description:****  She was once Miss Katherine, the beloved schoolteacher of Green Lake, Texas.  Now she is known better as the notorious outlaw, Kissin' Kate Barlow.  After twenty years of living a life of crime, she has returned to Green Lake to spend her final days, with nothing other than memories to occupy her time and thoughts.    **

**Disclaimer:****  Kate belongs to Louis Sachar; the song belongs to Sarah McLachlan**

**Author's Note:****  'Secret Diaries' readers might find some similarity to this fic and the earlier Diaries chapters.  Also, dialogue is different from that in the book, due to my need to always be somewhat original.  This is my first attempt at a songfic…no flames, please!**

**___**

****

**_~*~*~*~*~*~_**

_Heaven bend to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight  
~*~*~*~*~*~_

I'm back here; right where I began.  This is where I spent the most crucial moments of my life.  And this is where my life shall end.  In Green Lake, Texas I lived a dream, fell in love, and took the life of an acquaintance.  All here in Green Lake.

I remember the way I saw it when I was hardly any older than twenty.  The lake stretched out to the horizon, as far as the eye could see; the faint scent of peach trees greeted you when you opened the door in the morning for your first breath of fresh air.  Friendly faces greeted you on the streets, smiling, and shouting greetings to one another.  Some called it heaven on earth.  It might have been.  

Now, there is no lake, no people, and hardly any trees.  Nothing.  Green Lake has now become a vast wasteland, completely and utterly empty.  Just like my life.    

_~*~*~*~*~*~_

_Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear  
~*~*~*~*~*~_

I recall back to when I was called Miss Katherine.  I was the schoolteacher here once, a profession that I absolutely adored.  I was eager to share with the children, as well as the adults that I taught, everything I knew.  Everything seemed right with the world then, and I was happy.  I did not believe that life could be any more perfect, until I met Sam.

He was the towns' onion picker; a truly modest, good man.  Along with his donkey, Mary Lou, he would go around the streets with his cart, selling not only onions, but various concoctions made from them.  He claimed to have cures for things such as baldness, and stomach troubles.  Nobody doubted him, especially after he was given credit for saving the life of one of my students, Becca Tennyson.

My relationship with him began when he offered to fix the roof of the schoolhouse, as it leaked horribly.  I was as surprised as I was delighted at the small conversations we were able to have shouting back and forth through the beams.  By the time his work was complete, I was left with hardly a voice, though my spirits were higher than ever.    

~*~*~*~*~_  
Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
~*~*~*~*~*~_

After he was finished with the roof, I found myself contemplating excuses I could use for spending as much time as possible with him.  The next day, I mentioned various complaints about the schoolhouse; the window wouldn't open, the door didn't hang straight.  What I wouldn't admit to, not even to myself, was my growing affection for him.  If I had only known where it all would lead.

_~*~*~*~*~*~  
We all begin out with good intent  
When love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past could be undone  
But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals_

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~_  
  


It was all so innocent, so pure.  To pass time, I would begin to read him a poem, and more than once, have him finish it for me.  Though this did happen quite often, it took me by surprise each and every time.  I grew to love everything about him; the way he laughed, smiled, and of course, recited poetry was perfect in my eyes.  He was on my thoughts constantly, even as I taught my classes and carried on with friends.  Several people, including a former student of mine, noticed a change in me.

"You're mighty cheerful, Miss Katherine," she remarked once.  In return, I merely smiled and agreed.

"Yes, Linda.  I am."

However, the joy did not last for long, as Sam finished work on the schoolhouse quicker than I have liked.  Before I knew it, he was no longer a part of my every day, and in return, I was miserable.  I would sit in the schoolhouse for hours after classes were over, as had become my habit.  I succumbed to the fact that I had nothing better to do, nowhere else to be.  There was a period in which Sam was across the lake, harvesting onions, during which I had no contact with him.  That frame of time was all that I needed to convince me that what I was feeling was real.                                                                      

_~*~*~*~*~*~_

_In the lonely light of morning  
In the wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
I've held so dear.  
~*~*~*~*~*~_

Upon his return, we shared a kiss.  The memory of it is probably the clearest in my mind, above all else.  I had found myself alone in the schoolhouse, with nothing but the steady drops of rain on the roof, and the tears on my face, for company.  Suddenly came Sam's voice from the street, a lovely, melodic sound.  I ran to meet him, biting my lip to keep the three words that I wanted to speak to him contained.  I hugged Mary Lou's neck, looking up at him through bleary eyes.  He gently lifted me to my feet, and we shared a kiss.  It hadn't crossed my mind that something so guiltless could bring such consequences.  But Sam was colored, I white.  Nothing, not even our love could change the hard hearts of the people of Green Lake.  

The next day, no children attended class. I sat in a daze, wondering if I had confused the date.  I barely had time to process those thoughts before a mass of people rushed into the schoolhouse.  Several carried torches; others began to tear books.  I began to protest, pleading them to reconsider their actions.  In response I was lunged at, and called unmentionable names.  I realized then that I needed to get help.

I ran to the sheriff's office, only to find him drunk and malicious.  He asked that I kiss him, as I had Sam.  In response, I slapped him and stepped back uneasily.  The glint in his eye grew more prominent, and he said the words that will forever stay with me.

"It's against the law for a black man to kiss a while girl; punishable by hanging."  

I declared that if he were to hang Sam, than they would have to hang me as well.  I kissed him back.  Then, I turned and fled.  It wasn't long before I met up with Sam and Mary Lou.

I held him close to me for a moment, and then released him tearfully.  He began to speak words of confusion, before I relayed the events taking place to him.  His brown eyes filling with grief, he nodded.  We left Mary Lou, and made out way to the lake, where we began to row across.  I honestly thought we had a chance at making it. I was a fool.  

On May 22, 1890, Onion Sam was shot and killed.

_~*~*~*~*~*~  
Heaven bend to take my hand  
I've nowhere left to turn  
I've lost to those I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
That it's one misstep, one slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

_~*~*~*~*~*~_

I didn't want to believe it.  I couldn't believe it.  I had found the love I had been waiting for my entire life, the love I had dreamt of, and now he was gone.  I blamed the people of Green Lake at first for their prejudice, and then guilt slowly came back to haunt me.  I blamed myself.  That, as well as the recollection of the previous happenings drove me to the point of insanity.  For three days I kept to my cabin, on occasion glancing out my window to watch life of the town go about as normal. They felt no shame.  They did not care that my heart now lay shattered into pieces on the floor, and that my dear Sam was gone.  His murderers walked free.

For three days I gave into helplessness, sobbing until the point that I had no tears left to cry.  None of my supposed friends came calling, leaving me entirely alone to mourn. I suppose that they were ashamed of me, ashamed to be associated with me.  I became completely unraveled, a truly broken woman.  

On the third day, I shot the sheriff and gave him the kiss he had wanted.  I then fled the town.  As I left Green Lake, I also let a part of myself go; the part in which I was still Miss Katherine, the kindhearted schoolteacher.  And so the legend of Kissin' Kate Barlow was born.         

_~*~*~*~*~*~  
Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I've messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
~*~*~*~*~*~_  
  


My days are numbered now, this I know and embrace entirely.  I welcome death.  I had hoped that it wouldn't happen this way, in a dreary solitude.  I long for peace, tranquility.  I long to be with Sam once again.

I am, if possible, weaker than before.  I have kept to staying in a small cabin near some trees.  All that is left of the town of Green Lake.  It hasn't rained here in over twenty years, since they very day Sam died.  I have mussed on this often, resolving to the idea that it was because of Sam's death that it has not rained.  They told me that God would punish me, though I cannot help but wonder if perhaps they were wrong.  I have discussed this with the memory of Sam several times since my return.  I swear that I can almost hear him, see him.  At times it is as though I can feel his arm around me, and for a moment everything seems right again.  But only for a moment.

.  


End file.
